Deer Fetus, Door Knobs, and Dead Heads. The Most Bizzare Poaching Case Ever

Let me start by saying I come from a very redneck family and I’m proud of that fact. Also, I am willing to admit that back in the day some of my family members have not always had the best judgment and that what might seem funny to redneck hillbillies probably is not funny to middle-class suburbanites. However, this case is 100% true and verifiable. The craziest of the family were my younger brother John-Mark and cousin Brandon. Thank God they have matured since this incident, I guess a stint in the Maries for my brother and wife and kids for both will do that.

It all started almost 20 years ago when I was 19 and my parents were out of town. As I worked on my Calculus homework, my 15-year-old brother, John-Mark went to the store with my cousin Brandon age 20. They found a roadkill doe on the side of the road and picked it up and brought it back home. because fresh meat is fresh meat. While gutting out the deer they found 2 large deer fetuses that must have been close to birth.

A devious plan hatched in their minds because two redneck kids with two deer fetuses in suburban housing development is a recipe for disaster. They decided to save one to process and eat while the other was going on the doorknob of one of their friends at 2 AM for a game of “redneck ding dong ditch.” Needless to say, the cops were called and the Donut-eating cops of Norton Ohio had no chance of catching these two. Even though they gave it an honest effort, the two delinquents slipped through backyards and escaped the roving patrols.

Unfortunately, our family, mainly my aforementioned brother, was well known in the neighborhood due to another similar incidence that I will not discuss due to legal reasons. He was immediately their prime suspect and the cops showed up. I had no idea of what had transpired dealt with them and got them to leave. When they returned on Monday to talk to my parents I knew they were screwed.

My dad did not rat Them out to the cops he immediately knew They did it. My dad came to them with a stern look on his face that was clearly an attempt at hiding a smile and said “why?” my brother responded with “why not?” My mom responded with “They are your children!”

As the investigation continued the ODNR and the local police found a deadhead hanging from the top of our playset that we had recovered on our hunting property down south, since the head did not have a tag on it they wrote us a ticket for not tagging the deadhead.

Needless to say, my brother and cousin got off pretty light with only a small fine for not tagging a deadhead. It definitely could have been a lot worse for them. Years later we were talking to a Norton cop and asked him about the incident. He laughed and said, ” we still talk about that!” Definitely one of the more bizarre cases they ever worked.